It's
interesting to find out who notices when you suddenly “disappear”
for a couple days. One would generally expect close friends to
notice, and maybe a good acquaintance. I've been MIA since Monday
afternoon, having my first “contact” with my phone and computer
earlier this evening. There was a text message from my boss, a
couple voicemails (a good friend and my coworker) and some emails.
On Facebook I had five messages waiting, three were expected.
As I am not
currently in any frame of mind to repeat myself multiple times, I
decided to address my disappearance in this way. I've never hidden
the facts of my life from anyone, and now is no time to start. This
may come across as blunt, and possibly cold, but it is all I have
right now.
Sunday
night I began a very rapid decline in emotional stability. I didn't
go to bed until 4:00a and even then my thoughts only stopped racing
long enough to let me sleep about 4 hours. I stayed home Monday. I
continued to decline. I mapped out a plan. I got a box cutter, the
bottle of Jameson and the new 90-days supply bottle of
antidepressant. I sat down on the sofa. Initially I tried to cut my
left wrist, but I was having difficulty cutting deep enough to do
damage. So I started taking swigs of Jameson. Figured it would help
me along. Planned to take some of the pills with the Jameson as
well.
The last
thing I remember seeing was around 4:35 when I read a text from a
dear friend. When he came into my house about 30 minutes later I was
virtually gone. I was physically numb all the way down my body and
could barely respond to anything he said. He called 911. I was
taken to the local ER, where I remained until about 12:30a. At that
time I was transferred to another hospital with a behavioral health
unit (the politically correct term for psychiatric ward).
I saw the
psychiatrist each day, participated in group therapy, did a lot of
journaling and talking... and agreed that my medicine dose should be
increased. I have an appointment already scheduled with a
psychiatrist for next week, and am still going to make an appointment
with a psychologist as well.
I am not
100%. I may still be somewhat scarce. I am better. If I weren't
better I would not have agreed to be released. I just ask that you
bear with me while I readjust and continue to heal.
