It's interesting to find out who notices when you suddenly “disappear” for a couple days. One would generally expect close friends to notice, and maybe a good acquaintance. I've been MIA since Monday afternoon, having my first “contact” with my phone and computer earlier this evening. There was a text message from my boss, a couple voicemails (a good friend and my coworker) and some emails. On Facebook I had five messages waiting, three were expected.
As I am not currently in any frame of mind to repeat myself multiple times, I decided to address my disappearance in this way. I've never hidden the facts of my life from anyone, and now is no time to start. This may come across as blunt, and possibly cold, but it is all I have right now.
Sunday night I began a very rapid decline in emotional stability. I didn't go to bed until 4:00a and even then my thoughts only stopped racing long enough to let me sleep about 4 hours. I stayed home Monday. I continued to decline. I mapped out a plan. I got a box cutter, the bottle of Jameson and the new 90-days supply bottle of antidepressant. I sat down on the sofa. Initially I tried to cut my left wrist, but I was having difficulty cutting deep enough to do damage. So I started taking swigs of Jameson. Figured it would help me along. Planned to take some of the pills with the Jameson as well.
The last thing I remember seeing was around 4:35 when I read a text from a dear friend. When he came into my house about 30 minutes later I was virtually gone. I was physically numb all the way down my body and could barely respond to anything he said. He called 911. I was taken to the local ER, where I remained until about 12:30a. At that time I was transferred to another hospital with a behavioral health unit (the politically correct term for psychiatric ward).
I saw the psychiatrist each day, participated in group therapy, did a lot of journaling and talking... and agreed that my medicine dose should be increased. I have an appointment already scheduled with a psychiatrist for next week, and am still going to make an appointment with a psychologist as well.
I am not 100%. I may still be somewhat scarce. I am better. If I weren't better I would not have agreed to be released. I just ask that you bear with me while I readjust and continue to heal.